Dear Mom,
I’m sorry you had to watch your mother die from Alzheimer’s Disease. You worry it might be your fate. And mine, too. Sometimes you grow melancholy and say your game is almost over. It’s late in the second half and the clock is burning down.
“I can’t believe it. Really. There’s so much I still want to do.”
That we have to get old at all doesn’t seem fair. That you won’t be here forever is hard to imagine—I cannot comprehend a world without you in it. I am lucky I get this time with you—you’re healthy, active, and engaged—the indignities and injustices of old age haven’t hit.
So before it’s too late, I want to make sure you know why I love you.
You don’t cry over spilled milk (or much else).
When a grandchild topples a drink or accidentally breaks a piece of china, you don’t care. It doesn’t matter. Things can be replaced. But a harsh word or a judgmental look can’t be retrieved. You’re kind before you are anything else. People love you.
You prioritize what’s important.
You are the embodiment of the Golden Rule: Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. When one of my kids ruins something I try to think, How would my mom handle this?
And then I try to be you.
You don’t do anything half-heartedly.
You give 110% to whatever you’re doing, whether it’s planning a breakfast with over-the-top centerpieces and a twenty course meal, organizing your mother’s memorial services with a classical harpist and Scottish bagpipe player, or having Santa deliver a live goat for Christmas when we were children.
Whatever it is, you go above and beyond sometimes to the point of the ridiculous.
Last week when I asked you to donate a plant to your grandson’s soccer fundraiser, you immediately agreed to contribute a display arch decorated with cornstalks, hay bails, mums, and pumpkins. I wouldn’t expect anything less than over the top. But, that’s what makes you, you! Every thing you touch turns beautiful. You’ve taught us that average is not okay.
You don’t sit still.
Lots of people in their seventies are starting to slow down. Not you. You work forty hours a week at the community college Tutoring Center and run your antique business on a Sunday. Listening to what you have planned on a Saturday makes me tired. How can you go to three auctions, the flower warehouse, the grocery story, two grand kids’ soccer games, and then out to dinner?
Your Energizer Bunny approach to life is both good and bad.
Good because you give me hope that I’ll follow in your footsteps and be healthy and active for a long time. Bad in that I have to keep up with you now!
You believe that your kids can do anything.
You are almost delusional in this regard. But your confidence has been the catalyst that’s pushed your children into new ventures and the pursuit of our crazy passions. From the time we were little, you made us believe we were special, that there wasn’t anything we couldn’t achieve. You still think your son is going to win an Oscar and I’m going to be a best-selling novelist.
Your certainty sustains us.
You, alone, are the one person who can pull me out of the poor-me-my-book-will-never-get-published doldrums. You get an A+ for resoluteness.
Now that I’ve been at this motherhood gig for sixteen years myself, I know being a mom is not an easy task. With the ever-changing nature of the “employees,” it’s difficult to master any phase of the job. The longer I’m in the trenches, the more I respect you. Kids take a lot for granted. Big (adult) kids are no different.
Mothering is not always fun.
But I drew a straight flush in the mother-picking lottery.
I know that you love me with all of your heart. I know that you always do and did your best.
You are my confidant, my cheerleader, my favorite companion, and the steady, guiding force in my life.
This is why I love you.
Thank you for showing me the way.
God broke the mold when he made you.
And I am so grateful.
Love,
Your Daughter
P.S. This letter was republished on Her View From Home
P.P.S. That book, What The Valley Knows, is going to be published January 25, 2018!
Photo: My daughter, my mom, and me
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Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall;
A mother’s secret hope outlives them all.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
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Read the first three chapters of my novel, WHAT THE VALLEY KNOWS, HERE. I hope you love it enough to want to buy the book. Find it on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Black Rose Writing. Happy reading!
“A taut, compelling family tale.” Kirkus Reviews
Till next time,
Heather 🙂
Your mom sounds like an amazing role model!!!! I am certain you follow in her footsteps!!!!
I love your idea, write someone special a letter and express why you love and appreciate them. You never know how desperately they may need to read those words!!!
Happy Sunday Heather!!!!!
Thanks, Darla! I hope I can be like my mom, too. She’s a great person!
Very nice read about your mom and I love your writing… it is a better read the second time around, maybe its because you read it to me!
Thank you, sweetheart! We’re lucky to have Sue Sue!
What a beautiful tribute to your mother! Indeed, she is a special woman.
Thanks, Lorraine! I think she’s pretty special, too!
Your mother is all the things you write about! It is a joy to know her and a blessing to work with her. My husband thinks she is the ” most interesting woman in the world”. I agree. But mostly she is kind and good and fun!!!
Carmela, I couldn’t agree more. And she is lucky to have a caring and beautiful friend like you. Thanks for reading.
What a wonderful gift to share with Sue Sue, now. Knowing James and getting to know you, it is easy to believe what a wonderful mom you have!
A few days before my mom abruptly died 31 years ago, we share a day at the beach. She told me I had more will power than anyone she had ever known. To this day, through life’s harsh realities, I remember this and grab on to those bootstraps and pull–And give thanks!
Thank for sharing, Geri. Your story illustrates how powerful a mother’s encouragement can be. I try to remember this when I’m dealing with my children. My mother was (and is) so good at making sure her words are kind. Once you say something, you can’t get it back. It’s best to make sure it’s positive…there’s enough ugliness in the world. Thank you for your continued kindness.
This makes me like you and your mom even more. You are such a good writer.
Thanks, Sue! You are too sweet. Thanks for reading.
We love Sue-Sue too!
Sue Sue loves the Barbers, too!
Another great blog Heather!,Sue Sue is one of a kind and you take after her.
I’d say you take after her as well!
Amazing blog, love Sue Sue so much!!
This blog brought tears to your father’s eyes so you can imagine what it did to me. Thank your for writing such a beautiful and touching post.
Thanks, Mom. I love you!
It brought tears to my eyes as well.I love you all!
Love you, too, James CHRISTIE!
What a wonderful Blog about your Mom- I am so glad I know her and I agree, she is an amazing woman!
Thanks, Denise!
I laughed and cried so many places here, recognizing your mom. She is indeed one of the kindest and most energetic people I have ever known. What a beautiful mother-daughter pair you are!
Thank you, Carol! My mom sure is a character and a fun person to be around.
I enjoy all of your blogs, but this one was so great. Your mom is the kindest, most generous human being I have ever known. I feel very blessed to work with her at RACC. Her flare for designing is AMAZING. Right now the Academic Achievement Center looks beautiful thanks to your mom!
Thank you, Linda. My mother loves the Academic Achievement Center. She said that you have always been so kind to her.