Dear Son,
I used to count the days until the end of summer, marking the calendar until school would start and our normal routine would be restored. As a working mom, I was filled with guilt for the hot afternoons I wasn’t able to spend with you at the pool. I wished away the long summer days, feeling at fault—deluded that if you were in the classroom like all the other kids, I wasn’t shortchanging you.
Sometimes I worry that I rushed through your childhood.
But now I want to stop time.
To freeze this summer.
Remember how I sobbed your first day of kindergarten? Watching you board the yellow bus to head into the big world outside our neighborhood caught me unprepared for the reality that you wouldn’t be a little boy forever. Your first soccer game was emotional—like a passing of the torch from one generation to another. Even now when the National Anthem is played at your games, I choke up.
And time is running out.
I see the end—and it’s blinding. There are only two more first-day-of-school pictures to take. You’ll have your driver’s license soon. Your lacrosse and soccer games are numbered.
You probably don’t know this, but Facebook (that old person’s social media site) is flooded with middle-aged mommy bloggers writing sappy last this, last that letters to their high school seniors. Each story makes me cry.
And we know I’m not good at milestones.
I am sure your senior year will be filled with lots of my tears.
But you’re—we’re—not quite there yet.
We have a breath before all of the lasts start—your junior year. It will be my last chance to cross my T’s and dot my I’s with you before the emotional roller coaster and frantic pace of next year. So, I’ve made a list of things I’d like you to consider these final weeks of summer as a rising junior.
1. There won’t be any do-overs. This year counts. By senior year it will be too late—the college coaches will have made their offers. Put a little extra effort into your grades, your sports, and your SAT prep. Practice hard—on the lacrosse and soccer fields, in the classroom, and with your test tutor. There won’t be any second chances. It’s crunch time.
2. Be a good example. Younger kids are watching you. You’re finally an upper classman. Your peers like you and they’ll follow your lead. And remember, to your six little cousins, you’re their hero. Don’t disappoint them. You’ve been blessed with natural leadership qualities. Fit the role. Be kind. Be honest. Be humble. Be your best.
3. Put your family first. Right now I seem like the most annoying person on the planet. But I love you. Talk to me. I’m not as brainless as you might think. I’ll do anything to help you in your journey. Call your grandparents once in a while. They won’t be here forever. They get a thrill when you take the time to include them in your life. Be nice to your sister. She’ll be by your side forever, long after I’m gone.
4. No high is worth the low. You feel invincible. You’re a risk taker—that’s what makes you—you. But be careful. One bad decision can change the course of your life. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t get in a car with someone who’s been drinking or drugging. Make good choices. Never be afraid to call me for a ride. And my God, if you have sex, be safe. Birth control is your responsibility, too.
5. Start thinking about a job. I know it seems like entering the workforce is a long way off. But it’s closer than you can imagine. You’ll spend a huge chunk of your life at your job. Do you see yourself as a businessman in an office? A coach on an athletic field? A ranger in the woods? What do you love now? Hold onto that and figure out how to turn it into a career. Use your gifts to make the world a better place and you’ll never feel like you’re working.
6. Have fun. Enjoy this second to last year of high school. The pressure is on, but it’s not quite boiling. Go to all the football games, hang out with your friends, and eat a lot of pizza at Mama’s. The real world will be here soon enough.
It won’t be too long until you’re not living at home. I hope I was a good enough mother—that you’ve been grounded in a solid foundation upon which to build your life. As you enter your junior year of high school, your childhood trails behind you. You stand on the edge of adulthood. My dear, you’re almost a man.
Love,
Mom
* * *
In youth we learn, in age we understand.
Marie Von Ebner-Eshenbach
I agree that there are exciting times ahead. Thanks for being my partner in this journey.
This was awesome Heather. As a mom of a COLLEGE freshman now I understand how valuable time is during those late years of high school. Time truly flies by! Enjoy every minute!!
Thanks, Tina! When my kids were little someone shared the quote, “The days are long, but the years are fast” about raising children. It’s so true. I can’t believe we have an 11th grader and an 8th grader! Congrats on having a college freshman!
Heather, your letter was very heartfelt and full of wisdom for your son. Of course, I shed tears while reading as I think most moms can relate to the overwhelming desire to be the best and want what’s best for their children. You are more than good enough for both of your children
Can’t wait to read the article on
Scarymoms!! Congratulations😀
Thanks, Jen! Who know it would be so hard to let go?
This made me cry! Good advice Heather! I still can’t believe I have an official senior.
You’re not old, you’re wise!
Heather. Excellent blog, very true to so many facts we faced everyday with our kids and, yes enjoy while you have them at this younger ages and spend all all possible time with them.
I agree, Rudy! Thanks for reading!
It’s 9:00 AM on Sunday and I have warm tears running down my cheeks into my coffee. Beautifully written! I am also one of many moms who are going through these same thoughts and emotions. It doesn’t feel fair that time passed so quickly. We need to embrace every moment. I keep telling the new moms I know, as they are currently swamped in diapers and suffering from no sleep, embrace it! It passes in a blink of an eye! They don’t believe me. Someday they will. I just hope this message echoes in their minds during the rough patches!
Thanks for sharing, Darla! Ditto to everything you said!
Great letter to read! I can see that Cole would hand it right back and that made me smile.
I just said to Dan last night it is hard to be in these few years of all of the kids going off. We skip this year in terms of college freshman, but I still tear up watching their friends and my friends dealing with that college send off for the first time- I found it agonizing. The upside is, sophomore year send off, is not nearly as hard!
I loved this line, because it is very true!
“I am sure your senior year will be filled with lots of my tears.”
Happy Sunday!
Thanks, KELLY! It is going to be so hard to send them off to college, but so exciting to see them start their lives.
Tears. Period.
Your words are hitting home this morning. Enjoy this year watching Cole grow as young man and an athlete and soak up every second. I wish my dad was here to see the next generation of Snyder’s lighting up the soccer field! Senior year hasn’t quite begun for Alec and I have already shed tears, but I am going to enjoy every moment.
Thanks, KELLY! I can’t believe our little boys are heading into adulthood. Savor every moments. We’ll need to wear sunglasses lest people see our tears💕.
Loved this blog- Made me get teary eyed. Now that both my children are in High school. I want it to slow down- I plan to have both kids read this Blob- Excellent read!
Thanks, Denise! I’m ready to put on the brakes too. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Thank goodness for digital cameras! Use it often. After settling my first daughter in her Boston dorm which seemed a million miles away, she instructed me to not turn around upon our goodbyes. I didn’t. (good thing because she couldn’t see the tears freely streaming down my face) I did leave a letter on her bed pointing out all her strengths and all my love for her. I also, included Polonius’ letter to Laertes. She still has the letter thirteen years later. Life is so much letting go, while allowing yourself to grow and fill those spaces!
PS: send a lot of care packages.
Oh Geri! You’ve described your daughter’s college drop off so poetically. I love the idea of leaving a letter on the dorm bed. Like I said, milestones are hard for me. Thanks for your advice.
Heather,
I so enjoy reading your blog and following your journey. Even if Cole did not respond, the words are there in his mind forever. It is difficult to get work/life balance right but you’re doing a great job!
Thanks, Haley! I learn something new every day as a parent.