Monday was my birthday.
With each passing year, I become more cognizant that my time on Earth is limited. My children aren’t little kids anymore. My parents are getting older and my father’s health is deteriorating. I dye my hair every five weeks. Heck, my husband turned fifty on his last birthday. In the past year, two friends have been diagnosed with cancer and a high school classmate died suddenly of a heart attack.
Midlife feels like a race through a minefield, bombs dropping within inches of my path.
Sometimes, I’ll wake in the deep of night to a dark and quiet house with a prick of panic. What am I doing with my life? Is trying to be a writer crazy? Am I a good mother? Is my husband content? Am I happy? Do I make any difference in the world?
My parents both had noble careers. My father was a field surgeon in Vietnam and later an emergency room doctor, his work was to literally save people’s lives. My mother, a stay at home mom for years, returned to workforce with gusto as a math teacher. Now while most of her contemporaries have retired, she’s employed full-time as the Director of the Tutoring Center at the local community college. My parents’ work has had meaning and honor—a purpose.
I wrestle with my calling to be a writer and my responsibility to make a living. The two are in conflict as there is little money in the arts. And many times I feel like I started too late. The calendar tells me I’m a middle-aged woman and that I should pass the torch. My season for dreaming is over. Focus on my kids—their passions. Plus others are so far ahead. Publishing with a big house, though I am getting closer, most days seems impossible.
But.
In the wee morning hours, there is a peculiar loneliness in a sleeping house. Time does a funny thing without the distractions of the day. It becomes more finite and unforgiving—more real.
An urgency will settle upon me.
Rattled, I’ll get up and go to the bathroom. Sometimes, I’ll catch the reflection of a young girl in the vanity mirror. She’s full of creativity, potential, and hope. Life hasn’t happened to her. For a second, we’ll lock eyes. Her face turns older and fuller as she disappears and I come into focus. But before the ether swallows her, my younger self smiles mischievously, her eyes bright and kind, and says, “Don’t quit. Put our light in the world.”
I am so grateful for each birthday—each year. The time I get while it is denied to others. There’s no rhyme or reason to where the bombs land or to whom they hit. At least I get to try. It’s my duty. And yours, too.
So, I duck and dodge.
And write.
How about you?
***
Read the first three chapters of my novel, WHAT THE VALLEY KNOWS, HERE. I hope you love it enough to want to buy the book. Find it on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Black Rose Writing. Happy reading!
“A taut, compelling family tale.” Kirkus Reviews
Till next time,
Heather 🙂
Thoughtful Food: Seafood Skewers & Spinach Salad w/Gorgonzola Croutons & Bacon Twists
This meal was a huge hit across the generations at my table. The Spinach Salad was taken from Ruth Reichel’s The Gourmet Cookbook. I’ve relied on this cookbook for years and the recipes are continually excellent.
Instructions and Ingredients Seafood Skewers (for 6):
2 lbs raw shrimp (peeled)
12 large scallops
2 Cups Italian Dressing (any kind)
12 cherry tomatoes
½ red onion
Pineapple chunks
1 stick of salted butter
Marinate shrimp and scallops in Italian Dressing for two hours (keep refrigerated). Then create skewers, allotting two scallops per skewer, and alternating shrimp, tomatoes, onion, and pineapple. Broil for 20 minutes. These would be superb on the grill as well! Meanwhile, heat butter until it froths. Give each diner a small ramekin of butter for dipping. Yum! Yum!
The Gourmet Cookbook’s Spinach Salad w/Gorgonzola Croutons & Bacon Twists (This might be my favorite salad! I defy you not to like it!)
8 bacon slices
½ Cup crumbled Gorgonzola
1 tbsp softened butter
4 large (1/2 inch thick) slices of sourdough bread
1 garlic clove
½ tsp salt
¼ Cup mayonnaise
2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp red wine vinegar (I used balsamic vinegar)
2 tsp honey
1 lb spinach
1 small red onion, thinly sliced
2 hard-boiled eggs, quartered (I used 3 eggs)
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. First up, we make the bacon twists and croutons. Twist bacon into a tight spiral and place on broiler pan. Bake in upper third of oven until crisp (about 30 minutes). Transfer to paper towels to drain and then chop into ½ inch pieces.
Meanwhile, mash together Gorgonzola and butter. Spread generously on bread slices. Cut slices into 1-inch squares and arrange on baking sheet.
After bacon has cooked 15 minutes, put croutons in lower third of oven and bake 15 minutes until golden brown.
While croutons bake, using a large heavy knife, mince and mash garlic to a paste with salt. Combine mayonnaise, oil, vinegar, honey, and garlic paste in a blender and blend until smooth.
Toss together spinach, warm croutons, and onion in serving bowl and toss with dressing. Top with bacon twists and eggs. Delish!!!
Thought For The Week:
Srikumar Rao said, “I believe that if you don’t derive a deep sense of purpose from what you do, if you don’t come radiantly alive several times a day, if you don’t feel deeply grateful at the tremendous good fortune that has been bestowed on you, then you are wasting your life. And life is too short to waste.”
Have you found your purpose?
What makes you feel most complete?
I love birthdays. One more way to say I BEAT the REAPER. Each day is a blessing but getting together with friends, eating at our favorite restaurants or taking a trip somewhere is something I look forward to on each of my birthdays. I work hard so taking the time to play keeps me young.
Great blog Heather! Happy Birthday again to a fellow ARIES.
Yes, we must treasure each year! Happy Birthday, Mary!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HEATHER !! 🍰
I read your blog every week; it’s interesting, fun, thought-provoking, annnnnnd the recipes are delicious. I look forward to the “Thought for the Week” as well.
Hooray for you !
Thanks, Cindy! I am happy to hear that you are following the blog.
Happy Birthday, once again. You don’t have to be a Doctor to help someone. I know many people that rely on reading books to take them away from their pain, depression or just a bad situation. I know for myself I am having some major health issues and still work very hard and long hours and by Sunday I really am beat down and look forward to read your stories, recipes and the ” Thought for the week.” I thank you for it and feel so grateful to get to meet you even though it’s through your writing!
Ann, you’ve made my day with your kind words. I hope your health continues to improve and I am glad I can be part of your Sunday!
Yes, I married a much older man (he, he!). Love you.
Happy🎈birthday Heather!
You touched my soul with this blog. I have also been struggling with a major career decision which would remove me, my time and money away from my family. Being almost as old as Troy (sorry Coach). I have had the same thoughts running through my mind. You are an inspiration and I thank you for sharing! Publishing with a big house is just around the corner for you!!!! You have a gift that everyone can relate to and enjoy!!!!
Thank you for another fantastic Sunday morning read and recipie!!!!
Good luck with your big decision! I know how agonizing it can be. Listen to your heart.
Great blog this week mom!!! I hope you had a great birthday!!!
Thank you! Love you!
Great read, Heather. It’s like you’ve read my mind. My “baby” just turned 16 on Thursday. Those milestones make me wish I could stop time. Would love to hear which “card” you pulled on your special day! Keep dreaming and believing.
I pulled 4 cards-all appropriate! Have a beautiful Sunday.
Happy Birthday Heather! I love your birthday blog and just so you know, I have yet to see that middle-aged persona of yours; you are full of creativity, potential and hope!
Looking forward to making the spinach sales this week!
I meant salad!!
Thanks, RAE! I hope you love the salad. Let me know how it turns out.
I hope you achieve your heartfelt wish for publication in the near future. You have energy, spirit, drive and persistence—everything you need to get there. Keep faith with your younger self!
Warm wishes, Faye
Thanks, Faye. You are an inspiration to me.
Wonderful, thoughtful post, Heather. Though older than you, I certainly still have these same doubts, ask the same questions. I think that’s just what we do if we try to lead a life of awareness. I can’t think of a better person to share my birthday with!
Yes Cathy, I am so glad we share a birthday. Write on, my friend!
Happy Birthday, Heather!
I began writing more earnestly at 68. I believe, although my body likes to argue this issue, that I will never be ‘old’. I am happy with each new birthday.
You have written a book! You have a blog which is so much fun to read and which also allows me to get to know you.
I have given up my minefield, and now, I try to tiptoe through the tulips . ‘Well Adjusted Eater’ even posted in your blog!–You, Heather, are doing just great!
I love that you are writing & tiptoeing through the tulips! Thanks for your encouragement!
Happy tears in my coffee this morning! Thank you 🙂 the writing is my legacy – I can never quit ❤️💕
Never quit!
I for one love birthdays…Its just beats not having one. Growing old is a fact of life. We simply can not change it. Growing old and being old are two different things. You see I cant stop the process of growing old , but I sure as hell will never be old. I am 75 years of age ( notice I did not say I was 75 years old ) I grab every new day ,looking for the the excitement that lies a head. I came into this world with nothing and I may go out the same way. But while I am here I am going to enjoy every minute of it.
Leon, I love your zest for life. You are a wonderful role model on how to live life to the fullest! Thanks for following the blog!
Well I hate birthdays too. I wish they never come, but they do- But I do like your reasoning- you can’t stop the process of growing old. Each year there are new adventures to find, and I know I will keep looking forward to new ones. Happy birthday my friend, and may us have one new adventure together this year! Keep writing- I love reading your Blog!
Thanks, Denise! Friends keep us young at heart💕
I love reading your inspirations. I always say birthday are just a number. I will be 60 in May. Life is traveling faster each year. When I was 20 I thought 40 was a long time away. Now approaching 60..each 20 goes faster and faster. I feel blessed with my 3 grown children and 5 precious grandchildren. I absolutely love children. I have been a caregiver with my parents till their passing. I will always treasure that time. Keep going after your dream You truly have a talent within you. Cannot wait till your next book.
Live..Mary
Mary, thank you for sharing and for being so supportive!
You described this time in life perfectly. I’m happy for your Mom with her career , and sadden about your Dad. Great doctor. I can remember the ER stopping to watch you on tv many years ago. He is so proud of you as is your Mom. Prayers to you and your family.
Thank you, Wendy! I am so glad my father is alive to see the publication of my book (it’s dedicated to him).
Terrific blog!
I find myself singing: “Once upon a time
The world was sweeter than we knew
Everything was ours…”
When I was 40, 40 became the best years of my life. Same for 50s & 60s. Now 70 and six big months, I believe that even with the tragedies that are bound to come, the joys will off set all of them. I am always pulling myself up by those bootstraps. At 70, I have learned to face my issues directly. As I write this I feel like I am bragging, I am not trying to–It’s just that life has shown me so many sides that I try to pick the best angle. Hugs to you.
Geri, you are an inspiration and such a great role model on aging gracefully (and beautifully I might add).